Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Zombie Season Already?

This is completely out of season. Usually, you see zombie evidence only where people eat - the heads of animals, hanging over the plates, dripping with ghosts, formaldehyde, and Gods-knows-what parasites and bacteria, while the tourists and the industrial foresters gobble away at the grease and fake maple syrup and caffeine, totally oblivious to what's over their food.

But up the Hoko, right on the trout stream - by the shallows where the big steelhead come up to your feet - today, there were three beheadings, and a pile of shit.

Okay, they were elk heads, stacked up like Legos, sending a waft of reeking rot up the stream, out-competing the stack of human crap, all of it leaking right into the water. But they were heads, put together by something wrong, something inhuman.

Zombies do stuff like that. It's like they're practicing. Look how they took the skull-cap off, like they were removing antlers. Antlers on three cow elk? I don't think so. They were after that first taste of brains.

Usually, we get warned about hunters and their sloppy firearms practices, but we all know what's really dangerous up here. Looks like I'll have to put off looking for morels for a while. That, or take a machete into the woods. 

There's no use counting on firearms; they give anybody and everybody a rifle-carry permit up here, and considering how some of these guys dress, how can you tell a live stink from a dead one?

Oh, man. A Zombie truck. Will you look at that. There's something about Zombies - they just have to destroy everything. It's like, since they're going to pieces already, they have to take everything else down with them, too. What's up with painting it on their truck? The cops are so few and far between they've ignored the brain-bombers like they try to ignore anything that isn't outright property crime or assault-and-battery - something they can take to court. I can see that. Imagine the judge who has to face a case over zombies. What next? Sasquatch in on a possession charge? Next thing we know, we'll have zombie vanity plates. Does anybody own "BRAAINZ"? And would a zombie argue for more "A"'s?

1 comment:

  1. Yow, that's right.....Donna actually DID find elk skulls up in her 'neck' of the woods.....