Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Paper is good. It burns.

if only i'd told you 
lots of things
we could have gone if you could only have waited
never have to hear them or see them
leave them and this TOXI-city far behind
they were nothing NOTHING 
they were always nothing but cruel dead people
vicious children from vicious homes
what they said always meant NOTHING
I would have had money and you had a car
it would have been perfect if you had only waited
If only i'd told you 
you could go to life, not death
we both could have gone to life
your car could have brought us to life not you to death

just a little longer
time is another enemy now
I was going to tell you but I said I wouldn't
and I still believed she knew something I don't
she knows nothing
Mother smother

and your mom smiled when she said that wet cold night before it happened you were burning lots of papers in the fireplace and one was a green notebook she smiled and said some fangirl crap that is what she said and she smiled OHGODIFSHEONLYKNEW 
She is another dead one
Mother smother
why did you not let me see more
it was the most wonderful thing I had ever seen
and it was from you it was so you it was all you
am I the only one who knows it wasn't an accident?
Am I the only one left now?

And all you left was
Don't let anyone know about us don't tell anyone
They could only rape me, they would kill you
I still don't understand
no matter how much my hand writes this down I don't understand 
but I trust you even now that you are gone
I will never tell

even though I know somehow you are still here
I heard you in the woods walking behind me but I look and you aren't there and I heard you in the wind when all the noise was gone but maybe this is just something not true that I want to believe or maybe I hope you will see this somehow, I want this to be you with your hand on my shoulder now but maybe it is just me again

but this I do know
I will never tell anyone
never tell a soul

is this helping? I don't know anymore.

I think nobody knows

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